A nightmare
Sensitive souls are advised to continue reading at their own risk. 🙂 The dream I am about to describe is indeed brutal. (And I’m not saying that just to pique your curiosity and make you keep reading.)
I’m going to his house with a man, and at first, he shows me a very old dark cellar. There’s a barrel there, he says it’s ready for bottling, and somehow I know there’s a dead child there, about four or five years old… and that his blood will be bottled…
It’s so terrifying – I know that at that moment I must not admit it, otherwise he will kill me too, I have to give the impression that I’m cooperating with him, and then somehow get away… so I’d rather feel nothing, even though I know that deep down there is TERROR, fear for my life, total THREAT!
Predator, Bluebeard. That’s what C. P. Estés called him in her book “Women Who Run with the Wolves.” An intensely hostile character. Takes on many forms like any archetype. On a personal level of the dream, this is identical to our shadow – everything we’ve suppressed, everything we don’t want to see, everything we don’t accept. However, considering him only as a representative of our personal psychological junkyard (i.e., only as a personal shadow) would be extremely naive – he is much more.
Digging deeper
When you dare to follow his tracks further and deeper into the darkness, you will find that he is the ambassador of absolute darkness, the greatest darkness that exists in the material (dual) world. He is non-life, non-being, non-love, destruction, annihilation, non-death (because death is only a gateway elsewhere, it is neutral in itself), a kind of vacuum, the absence of anything, less than nothing. The archetype of collective darkness.
Absolute and perfect separateness. I will explain the essence of this terrifying archetype, which I think is crucial to understand, with a myth that was once told to me by a very wise woman:
In the beginning, there was pure consciousness, love. This consciousness, this love, rested within itself in pure bliss. At one moment, consciousness/love decided to create and look at itself; to know itself through this creation. Then began an infinite number of divisions and separations, resulting, among other things, in our material world and our tiny consciousness striving here, in the dual world, to learn to know IT – the source.
For this creation to occur, it was necessary for the original unity to divide. It was clear that this would be accompanied by great pain, which necessarily accompanies every separation. Who would take on this difficult task? Who would be the first to experience immense pain, the greatest pain ever to be experienced? Who would sacrifice themselves? Who would willingly become the true opposite of light, unity, love? Who, paradoxically, would demonstrate the greatest understanding, devotion, and yes – love?
His name is Lucifer
His name is Lucifer and he has a bad reputation. Devil. Satan. Ruler of Hell. The greatest of demons. The embodiment of pride, arrogance, selfishness, and the desire for power and other dark qualities. Yes, he lives in the abyss, craving for life, love, beauty, creativity, and light. He seizes every opportunity to feed on blood – the life energy of us, humans, if we are careless or naive enough to allow him. But his terror and darkness are in fact a sacrifice made out of love, says the story I heard. His name is Lightbearer (from the Latin lux = light, ferre = to bear) – although (or precisely because) his essence is complete darkness.
I don’t claim that this is “the truth.” Inner truth depicted in myths and fairy tales is not something that IS. It’s more of a process than a state. A river that flows and constantly changes. I borrowed this story because I like it. I like how it explains that even the greatest “evil” is ultimately part of unity and comes from the source of all life and light. That it’s just duality and multiplicity that allow the existence of different things – including evil – but the essence of everything is one. Life. Light. Love.
Yet it is necessary to be cautious: A careless wolf cub that doesn’t notice a big lynx entering the clearing will be eaten, and the awareness of the unity of all things – both his and the lynx’s – will not save him from death. So we must not be naive or inattentive. As long as creation lasts, darkness is very real. It is necessary to know that in our inner world, a predator lurks, a treasure devourer, a vampire, waiting for our inattention to seize us. To feed on our life, our blood.
Self-sabotage
His other name is self-sabotage. Every time we diminish our value and the value of our gifts, talents, and passions. Every time we don’t create, every time we deny the voice of our heart, and instead of flourishing into fullness, we just languish. Every time we postpone our desires for later (when the children grow up, when I finish studying, when I get a better job, when I learn more, when I meet a better man/woman…) – in all these cases, we have fallen into a trap. Or rather into a barrel. And our blood, the sap of our creative life, will be bottled like exquisite wine and served at the banquet of non-life.
Unfortunately, we were not warned. The last remnants of ancient wisdom – fairy tales – are not usually taken seriously in our culture. We are like orphaned wolf cubs who have no one to teach them about the dangers lurking in the forest. Whether we survive at all will be a matter of chance and luck.
The predator appears whenever we are ready to blossom into greater fullness of life. Then our boundaries are loosened, then we are overwhelmed by new stimuli and less attentive, then we offer plenty of juicy food for the treasure devourer.
Light casts shadow
The stronger our light shines, the larger the shadow it casts: So if I want to reconnect a little more with my life force, it is wise to make sure that it does not happen just to satisfy the predator. Our fear of growth is a warning: Are you vigilant? Can you ensure sufficient safety, which is essential for anything new to enter your life? Are you ready to take responsibility for materializing and realizing the gifts you discover inside of you?
Will you be able to use this gift of yours for your own and others’ benefit, or will you drown in self-doubt, hesitation, false modesty, in the sea of presumed obligations and other manifestations of self-sabotage? Will you become stronger and more powerful just to inflate your ego and revel in your greatness, or to bring more light for yourself and others?
It seems that a certain darkness is an integral part of our inner landscape: As long as there exist light, it will cast a shadow. The predator is ultimately love too, but as long as we live here in the world, he will very skillfully hide this aspect from us 😉 and we will recognize him rather as a force that feeds on our blood – if we allow it.
It’s good to know about the predator and to be on guard. If you are chronically tired, uninspired. Your projects are gathering dust unfinished or unstarted. You believe that you have no gifts or talents. You think of yourself only critically, and whatever you do, it’s not good enough. You don’t create. In all these cases pay attention to your dreams – it is very likely that the dark shadow of the predator will flicker in them… The predator has many forms, and it seems that as long as a person grows and develops, they constantly encounter it and must find ways to outgrow it again and again.
Following video is not about Lucifer per se but also deals with light and shadow, this time brought by the liminal period of not-winter-anymore-but-not-yet-spring. It´s like sitting on a threshold and can be painful for those who are impatient as much as I am. 🙂 What benefits does such a threshold-expereince brings? Watch nature, listen to beautiful music and get (hopefully) encouraged and inspired.
